Part 3 – Beyond The Superficial – The Sweet Mystery - Get Connected and Stay Connected Article Series
A Series Devoted to Quality, Committed Relatedness By Dr. Joyce at The Caring Heart from Spokane Washington

If you don’t authentically share and express, you can’t authentically connect! 

“But if we are living in the light of God’s presence. just as Christ does, then we have wonderful fellowship and joy with each other, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from every sin.” (I John 1:7)

It’s great to have good friends to share the common things of life with, to get together with, to have fun with, and so forth. But sometimes, some of us get the opportunity to develop far deeper relationships than the average. It does not appear that we can go out looking for these rare gems – they just happen when the conditions are right and when the personalities match up a certain way for a deep “click” or connectedness to take place.

Such dyads, or two-person relationships, have been called “soul mates” by some, possibly because it seems that the persons’ souls touch and communicate at a very deep level. Feelings, ideas, values, hopes, dreams, successes, disappointments, struggles, and trials can all be shared with a great feeling of being really understood. Each member of the dyad, feels and believes that he or she has a life companion that is totally in support of her well-being. In a sense, it seems that each acts kind of like an earthly guardian angel for the other. There is no loneliness. Instead there is much love and fond affection, loyalty, commitment, faithfulness, and so forth. Perceptions can be freely shared about how each feels about the other and about the relationship itself. (This latter attribute is unusual in that, in our culture, friends seldom say much about how they feel about each other, or about the relationship. Too bad! There are ways in which our culture does not make much sense. People absolutely fawn over their pets but do not ordinarily feel free to be very demonstrative to their dear friends, as though they aren’t “supposed to” feel much for them! Why not?)

I don’t know if anyone has ever studied the frequency of such wonderful friendships, but they seem quite rare, and usually only occur once in any lifetime, if at all. Anyone who has such an opportunity should not ever back away, but should make space in his or her life and nurture the relationship as much as possible. Such are not merely lifetime relationships, but “forever” relationships, such as David and Jonathan in the Bible, Ruth and Naomi, Jesus and John (His most beloved disciple), and, in modern times, Brian Piccolo and Gayle Sayers, two running backs for the Chicago Bears back in 1967. Their relationship deepened into one of the most memorable in sports history. The two men truly loved each other, and Gayle Sayers stayed with Brian Piccolo all through his battle with cancer, which took his life. Perhaps many of you remember the movie Brian’s Song, which tells their story.

Such relationships are extremely gratifying, and bring much joy and happiness, especially if the Holy Spirit is alive in both people. They have a quality of transcendence and clearness, as though another dimension of consciousness and communication has been reached. But, they are also extremely challenging, because of the high motivation to be all the best one can be for the other. Concern for, giving to, and being there for the other are in the forefront.

How such “mountaintop” relationships come about remains a sweet mystery. Perhaps certain personalities match up in certain ways, or have matching chemistries. What are the essential elements? Maybe, as some of my friends suggested, they are simply gifts from God, given for His own reasons. If so, in my opinion, they carry heavy responsibilities, in that the relationships need to be lived for God’s glory. On the other hand, it could be these high-level, committed, in-depth relationships should not be so unusual. Perhaps they are what the disciple John was referring to in I John when he said “But if we are living in the light of God’s presence, just as Christ does, then we have wonderful fellowship and joy with each other, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from every sin.” (I John 1:7)

Maybe more of us should be living much more in the light of God’s presence.


Dr. Joyce of 

Copyright 2008

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